I will be the first to admit that today was a rough day. We all have those days in education where we feel like we are falling short or feel like a failure, when, in reality. that is far from the truth. I tend to be hard on myself and, due to struggling with managing student behavior at this point in time, I feel like I have been focusing on that without realizing the good I am doing.
Those positive emails sent home, those student nominations, the smiles and high fives I give on a daily basis- those things matter. Yes, planning, instruction, and assessment are vital components of being a teacher, and they are components that I am continuously trying to improve in, but when I am losing focus on what is really important, then it becomes an issue. I care about my students, and when I had a substitute in my room, he told me that nobody could say that I am not working hard and do not care. I beat myself up over little mistakes due to wanting to be perfect, and I have to learn to find a little bit of goodness in every single day because, if I do not, this career can be overwhelming. I broke down after school, and when I was reflecting, I realized that, thus far, the reason I cannot manage student behavior as effectively as I would like to is because I was making it harder than it needs to be. I need to do a better job at being consistent and having high expectations while giving appropriate wait time because, by doing that, I feel like the management issues will begin to be resolved, at least, to some extent. Even experienced teachers have rough days, and as a student teacher, I know that I am prepared and supported which means a lot to me. Not one day goes by where I am not grateful for my cooperating teacher or my Twitter PLN who remind me to be a light in the darkness and teach from the heart. Yes, this career can be draining, and we have days where we may feel like we are losing our marbles, but, even today, when I was not feeling my best, I found a little light, and that was in my 5th hour class. I was better at giving wait time and shifting their attention back, and I had no discipline problems. Now, my focus is getting every single one of my classes to be like my 5th hour. I am a student teacher, and I was vulnerable in this post, but I think that, if I do not fail, I cannot see how far I have really come. I am a work in progress, and that is okay. I just have to let go of my perfectionism and give 110 percent because, in the end, I know that things will work out, and I will be the teacher I have wanted to be since day one.
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I saw a post on facebook about a child being a "feeler". That meant that the child felt things to an extreme and was more sensitive than her peers. After reading what her mother wrote, I thought back on my life and realized that I, too, am a feeler. I have always been introverted and preferred to read rather than talk to people. To me, it was a safe haven and gave me the opportunity to play a movie in my head. With being a person who was reserved and felt things on a deeper level, I struggled with saying no to others and was always trying to make everybody around me happy. I loved making people smile and still do to this day. One person I knew told me that needing to lift others up can be draining. That struck me the wrong way, and I remember breaking down in my room afterwards because, here I was, a young woman who always strived to lift others up when it felt like others did not do the same for me. It can be hard feeling like your acts of kindness are not appreciated, but I also know, deep in my heart, that an act of kindness is never wasted. I just wish I could see how many people I made smile because of a word or a phrase I mentioned because I really do think my perspective would change.
I made my professor an online card full of messages from former students, and he said "few people rarely get the opportunity to see the impact they have on others (while they are alive), and today I got to see just that with what you did/ created for me. He also said that a student has never done anything like that for him before. In that moment, when I read those words, I had tears in my eyes because I realized that I did something kind for someone and gave him the greatest gift of all- knowing that he mattered. We all want to feel valued and acknowledged, and I wish we could all see the impact we make in others lives because I bet it would be life changing. I remember thinking that the positive relationships I try to build are one sided, but I later realized that was not the case. As a teacher, I try my hardest to seek out those quiet and introverted students. I was one of them, and I understand how it feels. To me, it felt like I was lost in a sea of people. Honestly, if it were not for my teachers who paved the way for me, I would not be who or where I am today. I had friends growing up, but I never felt like I fit in due to being introverted and studious. I loved the teachers I had in middle school and high school, but I oftentimes felt like I did not belong, and that breaks my heart. I do not want anybody to feel that way, and although we had many clubs and organizations, I never felt like I fit into one of those crowds. The reason that I mention all the above is because I heard something today at our institute day, and it stuck with me. It takes one caring educator to change a student's life. All we need to do is care, and although that is easier said than done at times, it made me pause and reflect and think back to the adolescent I used to be navigating life. As an adolescent, I was timid, and being able to reflect now, I wish I knew that things would work out. I cried over doing poorly on an exam, and I was bullied in middle school due to being friends with a girl who was different than others. I stuck by her side and ended up getting paper thrown at me. That was one snapshot of my middle school experience, but I strongly believe that moment stuck with me for a reason, I remember not wanting to tell my teachers about it, but my friend ended up doing so, and that teacher stepped in and made a difference. Now, as a student teacher, I have already had the opportunity to step in and intervene conflicts. As a teacher, an issue may not seem like a big deal, but to a student, that issue is everything at that moment. If we take a deep breath, we may be able to find a little grace and understand things from our students point of view. I have been feeling sick for the past few days, and I have been trying to work on my EDTPA, grade, and lesson plan while trying to regain my energy. At the institute day, we were given a marble to keep so that we can look back on it when we feel like we are losing our marbles. Teaching is a balancing act, and although I always want to drop everything and do things for others, I need to realize that I am not giving myself the care that I need. A teacher on Twitter sent me a private message a few days ago which said that. while kids deserve it, I do too. When I felt burnt out last semester and was sick, my peer told me that I cannot be a light in others lives if my light is burnt out. That stuck with me to this day and made me realize that I was not doing anyone a favor by not letting myself recover. As someone mentioned to me in a tweet, it is hard when we slow down but life does not. I am thankful for my PLN who inspires me to be transparent and reflective. I owe a lot them, and I would not be half the educator I am today without their constant love and support. They keep me going on those difficult days and make me realize that I am loved, valued, and acknowledged, I want ALL my students to feel the same way. Yesterday was a rough day for educators. We all love our students dearly and cannot imagine what the families in Florida have to be going through right now. My heart breaks for the innocent lives lost.
As teachers, we need each other to uplift and support. I am grateful to have a support system on Twitter that has truly changed my life. I have hosted two chats thus far, and I will be hosting two more in May. Due to connecting on Twitter, my dreams began to expand due to realizing my unlocked potential. I feel called to be a teacher, and when I walked in this morning and heard my students speak about what happened, it began to hit me. Each of our schools is a community, and we rely on this community to get through those tough days that occur once in a while. The event that happened yesterday reaffirmed my desire to love deeply and to truly care about my students as individuals. It is sad that it takes a major event for people to realize that things need to change, and due to myself being a sensitive individual and a person who cares a lot, yesterday has been weighing heavily on my heart. I got to school today, and a teacher on my team was not feeling well. I talked to her, and she thanked me for my kindness. It brightened my day, and that reaffirmed how important it is to take time out of your day to talk to others. We never know what battles other people are fighting. As a teacher, it can be easy to lock yourself in your room during lunch and just work on planning, grading, and all the other responsibilities that come with being a teacher, and to be honest, I do that from time to time due to needing time to recharge. The truth is I hold on in hopes of a change occurring, and I realized that the change had to begin with me. We have the potential to change lives, and that is something that I take pride in. Just this week, I emailed a parent a positive email home, and a few hours later, I found out that the email I sent was shared on Facebook. The student was struggling in regards to adjusting to middle school, and that email meant a lot to the family. A person truly never knows how one small action can make an impact. On those days when I question whether or not I am on the right path, I think about my PLN and the passion that I do have. I may not be perfect, but I love my students, and I am willing to help them in anyway possible. While I am young, I have things to offer, and I never feel alone. Many pre-service teachers feel like they have a lot on their plates which is true because they do. I have EDTPA coming up, but I still go on Twitter to connect and recharge. When I feel lost and am doubting myself, I get messages from teachers that reaffirm that I am on the right path. Those messages along the lines of "I see you, and I know what you are going through" mean so much to a young teacher like me who is imperfect and has a lot to learn. Having a lot to learn is part of the fun of teaching. I am young, and I do not have a lot of experience, but I have a thirst for knowledge, a passion for teaching, and an amazing PLN who supports me 110 %. I consider me to be one lucky teacher who desires to live up to the amazing educators I have met. For the longest time, my dream has been to become a teacher and impact lives just like my teachers have impacted mine. Due to being close to fulfilling that dream, I realized that I needed to add new goals for myself to reach. We had the pleasure of having a speaker come to our school yesterday, and she mentioned a vision board. My vision board always consisted of becoming a teacher, but that vision has expanded ever since I joined Twitter.
Every single teacher on Twitter inspires me to become a better educator and truly be the one for my students. Although I am young, I have been fortunate to grow a virtual PLN who has my back and uplifts me on a daily basis. Ever since I joined Twitter, I wanted to inspire other pre-service teachers to connect globally just like I have been doing. I got my student teaching cohort to join Twitter, and I even had the opportunity to host two chats thus far with another two chats being hosted by me in May. I love seeing young teachers join in, and I even got my cooperating teacher to join in as well. That, to me, intensifies the connection between a CT and a teacher candidate. We communicate virtually online and bring that positivity back into our classroom. I have no idea what the future holds, but I plan on staying true to myself and still remaining the kind person that I hope others see me as. No matter what I accomplish, it does not matter if I lose myself in the process. I want to leave the world better than I found it, and in order to do that, I need to care. Right now, my focus is on passing EDTPA and obtaining a middle school math teaching position. After a few years, I plan on obtaining my Masters and possibly my Doctorate so that I could be a college professor and mentor future teachers. I also have a dream of attending conferences and speaking out the importance of connection on social media, and in addition, I would like to write a book that would get published by the Dave Burgess Publishing company. I realize I have many goals, but I do give 110%, and I know that, if I am fueled by my passion, these goals may become a reality for me. Many of you have heard the quote "doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will", and I strongly resonate with it. Just last week, I was doubting in myself and my abilities. Of course, teaching is never the same day in and day out, but that, to me, is part of the journey.
On Monday, after reading a few chapters of "The Wild Card", I decided to utilize flipgrid and have my students film themselves explaining how to model a division problem with fractions. My students were reluctant at first, but after a while, they began to ask if they can go in the hallway, and I was genuinely pleased with the videos. The students took it seriously, and they asked if I can do one again in the near future. On Tuesday and Wednesday, I utilized direct instruction and had students take notes. I really enjoyed Tuesday because we had a challenge where we had to leave a kind note for someone else to find. My students put notes on each others lockers and around the school along with giving notes to teachers and the administration. I received at least ten notes that gave me that warm and fuzzy feeling, and I also spent time writing a note to each student in my class and placing it on their backpack while they were taking a quiz. I loved seeing the smile on their faces when they realized, and I genuinely never smiled more in a day than I did that day. On Thursday, I did an escape room with my regular students which was a great experience. My CT sent me a link to the activity, and I decided to try it out. Due to being inspired by Rae Hughart, I knew the power of engaging students and the impact that it can have. I turned off the lights and read the background story. Afterwards, I set the timer on the screen and had the students work at different stations to discover one digit of the five digit puzzle. The students asked me for hints, and they really bought in. They worked hard, and I even ended up losing track of time due to being immersed in the activity. I did have two students who had to sit out due to not being able to handle the activity, but for the most part, I got positive feedback, and the students enjoyed it. Due to thinking of implementing this activity the night before, I knew that I could have improved in certain areas if I had more time. I feel like it was hard for me to figure out the transitioning, and that caused a little bit of chaos due to certain groups finishing and not having a station to go to. I know this could be fixed by having multiple copies of each station at each table. I also feel like some of the directions were vague, so if I were to do this activity again, I would write step by step directions in regards to how to solve each individual puzzle. I plan on doing this activity on Monday again as an end to our unit, so I will make those necessary changes to enhance this activity. I also had my second observation which went well overall, but the one thing I am still working on is techniques to quiet down a classroom due to my students being talkative. On Friday, I was at school for four hours and then had an EDTPA meeting which was beneficial. The amazing teachers on Twitter have been providing me with much needed support and reassurance that I am on the right track. I can honestly say that this week was one of those weeks where I took risks and saw those risks pay off. I make mistakes, and I am by far not perfect, but I do take time to reflect due to knowing that I do not want to settle for anything less than my best. Our students deserve great teachers, and due to the fact that my former teachers never gave up on me, I owe that level of dedication and commitment to my stduents. Student teaching is tiring and tough at times, but my heart has never been more full. I am excited for my future and am excited to start applying for teaching positions in the near future. I know that I will continue to be the one for students, and I know that I will look back on this blog one day and realize how far I truly have come. This blog is an honest look of what I have experienced and the thoughts running through my head, but it keeps me focused on improving and makes me realize that it is okay to be vulnerable. Each and every single day, I reaffirm my desire to teach, and I feel like I was born to be a teacher. I do not want to let that passion go away, and I know that I am passionate about teaching for a reason. Twitter allows me to keep that flame burning, and I am constantly amazed by my PLN. Yes, doubt can kill more dreams than failure ever will, and although it is natural to have doubts from time to time, my doubts center on whether or not I will be an effective educator and if I have what it takes. Those doubts have made me break down due to not wanting to do anything else with my life. At those moments of weakness, I found a light at the end of my tunnel, and that light has been engaging on Twitter and finding an amazing support system. I will make mistakes, and I will fail, but I know, in my heart, that I do have a passion for kids and that I am willing to fight the good fight, I hope my future students will be lucky to have me as a teacher, and I hope I can offer them more than they will offer me. Middle school students are great to work with, and although some days are more difficult than others, i am surrounded by the love that my students give me. I am blessed to be an educator. This week, overall, went a lot smoother.
Monday On Monday, I taught my regular math students how to add/subtract fractions with unlike denominators, and for my advanced class, I taught them how to divide fractions using the standard algorithm. Tuesday On Tuesday, I reviewed the homework and taught the students how to multiply fractions, and for my advanced class, the students took a quiz on dividing fractions. Wednesday On Wednesday, I taught my regular math students how to multiply mixed numbers, and for my advanced class, I taught them how to model division with mixed numbers. Thursday On Thursday, I had a slightly rough day. The substitute and I were struggling with our first hour, and during our team meeting, a teacher on my team was telling me how students in her class would never to think to act that way and how I do have the power in me to control a class. I broke down, and she comforted me and said how she knows that I do have it in me. She also said that the students respect me and how they do notice that I am being treated unfairly. After she yelled at my class a few days ago, one student wrote me a note saying how she apologizes for the misbehavior of certain students in the class and how I do not deserve to be treated that way. Of course, the note made my day. I emailed her parents about what she did, and the parents were happy to see that I acknowledged her kindness. In math, I taught how to multiply mixed numbers, and due to wanting to show my students how fractions can apply to real life, I found a worksheet on teacherspayteachers about cookie fractions, and I had students multiply the serving size by how many people were in their group. The students seemed to enjoy this activity, and they even wanted to actually make the cookies. My lesson went well, and I had a good day after our team meeting. I realized that I needed to change something, and I spent my lunch hour talking to the science teacher on my team who was supportive and said that I have to find my own classroom management style because what works for the teacher next door will not work for me. I know that I do not want to yell due to seeing how that changes the classroom climate in an instant, but I am starting to find my own way. I am a gentle person with a kind heart, and although I thought that did not have value and my students were not noticing me choosing kind, I realized I was wrong. The student who wrote me the note mentioned how I teach her how to be kind and gentle. Our students do look up to us as role models, and as the science teacher on my team said, the beauty of working on a team involves the different personalities. She told me that I acknowledge students who the other teachers do not necessarily do due to looking for those quiet students who tend to be overlooked. Thursday night, I had the pleasure of hosting #masterychat, and that reignited my passion for teaching. One of my professors joined the chat along with my former CT, my current CT, and a former teacher. It was amazing to see the support I have as a pre-service teacher, and pre-service teachers from other states joined as well which was amazing to see. Friday On Friday, I had a much better day, and I noticed that my students were beginning to have more respect for me. I know that respect is earned and not given, and I do give respect to all of my students. After going home that evening, I decided to purchase "The Wild Card" due to wanting to engage my students. With math, I have just been lecturing and giving worksheets which is not how I want to teach. I used manipulatives during math due to knowing that these students need that hands on activity, and they enjoyed figured out how many parts go into a whole. After seeing that engagement, I felt inspired to do that on a daily basis. I will be a first year teacher next year, and I do not want my students to feel bored in my class due to that leading to classroom management issues. I want my students to know that I care, and I want them to look forward to coming to my class. I am continuously inspired by Rae Hughart who teaches further on a daily basis and has her students participate in internships. I know that this takes a lot of time on her part, but if this is the direction that I would like to go in one day, I am thinking of trying out one unit next year and comparing test scores to see if it benefits my students. I am not afraid to take a risk and try something different especially if it benefits my students who deserve an amazing education. Right now, it is hard to transform the way I teach due to doing what my CT tends to do, but I am lucky to have an amazing CT who lets me use nearpod, plickers, quizizz, and other forms of technology to see if that is something I would like to utilize in the future. Technology is a great resource but only if it serves a purpose. As a student teacher, I know I have a unique situation, but even though it is hard right now to plan lessons, manage behaviors, and take on the roles of a full time teacher, I am so thankful because I know that everything happens for a reason. Although I have a long way to go, I know I have an amazing support system on Twitter, and I know that I will be okay because of that. I do have a passion for teaching, and I just have to make sure that I maintain that passion and keep that fire burning. This week, I plan on being more reflective, and due to having my second observation, I look forward to obtaining the feedback that I need in order to grow. Teaching is never the same day in and day out, but that is part of the journey. I have already sent positive emails home, nominated two students for a positive office referral, and I continue to work hard to ensure that my students are learning the material. I am continuously striving to be a better version of myself, and I learned that it okay to make mistakes. I was reading "Hacking Classroom Management" last night, and I really liked the daily bellringers. On Monday, I may try to have students tell me one fun things they did over the weekend due to the author emphasizing to start and end the period by keeping the individual in mind. I want my students to know I care about them as individuals. As a teacher, I cannot turn my brain off, and I do genuinely care about my students. I am not the type of teacher who leaves work at home, but I also find time to take a break and recharge even for only a few minutes. This week, I plan to be more organized and really focus on strengthening that relationship with my students. As a pre-service teacher, I am constantly looking for ways to grow as an educator. I had to reassess myself a few times thus far, and I realized that I became discouraged due to falling into a trap- that trap of comparison and feeling inadequate. Due to wanting to do something different in the classroom and wanting to go beyond worksheets, I decided to read "The Wild Card" by Wade & Hope King. Since I began reading it about half an hour ago, my mind already went in a million directions, and I found myself wanting to write a blog. I still need to continue reading, but I wanted to share my thoughts thus far.
As a young child, I was inspired by multiple teachers, and even in college, I continue to be inspired by my professors. As a student teacher, my former teachers paved the way for my success, but I found an even bigger blessing, and that includes my colleagues who I work with. These individuals have pushed me beyond my wildest dreams, and they are always willing to talk and support me on those occasional rough days. They show me the importance of having a strong support system, and I am beyond grateful for their support in this first phase of my journey. I work with an amazing literature teacher who was discussing poker chips today and how a person presented on these poker chips at a conference. She mentioned how our students have baggage, and each poker chip resembles a teacher yelling at a student about a pencil or homework when that student could have been staying up all night helping his/her family. I learn new things about my students on a daily basis, and my heart truly pours out in my classroom I do think about my students a lot because, as a teacher they truly become a part of my heart. Yes, while the reality of education is becoming clear to me in regards to the many demands placed on teachers, I know one thing, I will not settle for anything less than my best, and I will continue to push myself to create meaningful learning experiences for my students because they deserve it. I am okay with being a little crazy, and I want to make sure that I can be a wild card for them. I just hope that, when my students think of me, they think of a teacher who genuinely cared and aimed to inspire. I may be a pre-service teacher with doubts and uncertainties, but I have a clear vision and constantly reflect on my reason why. I have to constantly remind myself that I should not settle for ordinary, and I should do better if I know better. I feel like time has been my biggest issue due to each day going by so fast and not having enough time to reinvent the wheel and make those changes. Starting today, I am going to okay with being vulnerable and start being more open to new experiences. After all, as a teacher, I am the only one getting paid to do something different. Our kids deserve our best on a daily basis. |
AuthorMy name is Ms. Jachymiak, and I am a pre-service teacher currently attending Illinois State University. This blog follows my journey as a student teacher. @MsJachymiak Archives
May 2018
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