I always tell myself that I will reflect on a weekly basis, and then, things become a whirlwind, but I know that reflecting on a weekly basis would be ideal, so I am going to carve out some much needed blogging time into my schedule.
It is surreal to me that I have just finished week 4 of my first year. It has truly been an adventure and one that I am grateful to have because I am learning a lot each day that is truly pushing me to become better. When my kiddos look at me, I know that I want to give my all on a daily basis. They are the reason that I get up in the morning and have a smile on my face even though I am tired from the day before. I was sick on the weekend about two weeks ago, and I thought it was just allergies. I was fine at school, and I felt okay, but I ended up having a few days with congestion and struggling to speak over my students. Due to having a soft spoken voice and being sick on top of all of it, I ended up losing my voice Thursday morning of week 3. I had tears in my eyes because I wanted to be the best teacher for my students, and I did not realize how bad it was until I tried to speak, and nothing came out. The aide was supportive and acted as my voice in the morning. She told me that she lost her voice during her 1st year and knows that I want everything to be perfect which is why I was upset over this whole ordeal. I ended up taking a half day due to her needing to go to another class, and even though my voice became a little better, I told my students that I needed to go to a doctor and see what was going on so that I can be accessible the rest of the week. My students were so sweet and made me notes saying that they hoped I feel better, and I have the notes on the bottom of my desk due to not having the time to truly look them over. It turned out that I had acute laryngitis, so I just took the afternoon to take care of myself so that, in exchange, I could be the best teacher for my students. On Tuesday on week 4, I had a lot of students who were talking over me and just not cooperating in class. I ended up talking to them about behavior, and after school, when a teacher on my floor asked me how my day went, I broke down. I was telling her about the two students who I was struggling with in regards to their behavior, and I ended up emailing home. Then, I received a call from the office that a parent wanted to speak with me and was on the other line. As I was walking down the hallway, I ran into the teachers on my floor who took me in their room and saw I was upset, so they took the time out of their day to talk to me and tell me that they all had those days and that they understood what I was going through. I ended up going back to the office to talk to the parent with my mentor listening in due to knowing that I may need the support. I spoke to the parent and told her that I would like to schedule a one on one conference. I ended up having the conference with the parent the day after, and I felt like things went smoothly. Then, I had curriculum night where I explained my curriculum and my classroom management system which is now classdojo. The parents said that they really liked classdojo and liked how accessible I was. I always post the homework on the class story, and I also post pictures and occasionally message parents positive news about their child. I am able to check my phone more than I check my email, so if the parents have a question, they ask via classdojo, and I typically respond during my plan. When I was having that rough day, I knew that I wanted to come in the next day with a fresh start. I was stricter with my students, and I started to tell them that certain students would be losing recess time. I have had about four students lose 5 minutes of recess, and I do feel like the students are more receptive of that because they are receiving consequences and have time to think about their actions. This has been working well for me, and I even started playing growth mindset videos via classdojo and youcubed. My students are loving it, and they are able to make those connections. On Friday, the students were still a little chatty, but the rest of the week went smoothly. I learned a lot these past two weeks. I tend to be hard on myself, but by leaning on the amazing support system I do have, I was able to get through and keep a smile on my face. Being a first year teacher is challenging because a lot of things are new. I do go on Twitter and have such a valuable PLN who have always supported me, and I always plan on going on and chatting with them because that is something that I do not have as much time for which is hard because that refuels my energy. I tend to go to sleep at 9, so it has been hard for me to stay up and do a Twitter chat. With that being said, I do plan on making that time this week because I need that chance to reconnect, reflect, and feel rejuvenated. I am not perfect, and I know I am making mistakes, but I also know that I care. I think about my students constantly, and I am thinking of ways to make my classroom be more organized because, to me, I need a structured environment. Due to not having an elementary background, it has been hard for me to try to figure out the ways to manage the paper-flow, but I plan on purchasing some items today to help with that. I love my career, and I do have good and bad days, but the good days absolutely outweigh the bad days. The secretary emailed me when she knew I was having a rough day, and she wrote " I want you to know that you are truly doing a good job. I know this is all new for you, but just remember why you became a teacher. Don't let just a few kids ruin your day. You will get the hang of everything before you know it. You are doing a great job and you have many people here that care about you. Now, go ahead, have that big cry, put it behind you and know that you are truly a great teacher." That message brightened my day, and I was so incredibly grateful to read that when I was sitting at my desk in the classroom. I went home, and my mom said that this is what I have worked for my whole life and that I should not let anything get in the way of that happiness and passion I have. Of course, having a rough day is not fun, but I needed to realize that I do have support, and I am not alone. I am sharing this story because I want to help first year teachers realize that it is okay to have bad days and to be vulnerable. This is part of the journey, and I know that things will get better because they already have. Sometimes, I just have to stop, reflect, and start over. My students are receptive to that, and I always hear that teachers feel bad for the first group of students they have, and I do feel like that will be the case for me, but I also feel like my kiddos learn a lot from me trying something, failing at it, realizing it, and changing my system. No one is perfect, and we are all in this journey together. I was reading "Be Real" by Tara Martin and started to read "Girl, Wash your Face" by Rachel Hollis. Both of these books inspired me to focus on being happy and that it is okay to be imperfect. I am not where I want to be yet in regards to teaching, but I also have faith that I will get there. Our motto this year is that faith can move mountains, and I do believe that.
1 Comment
apm
10/11/2018 02:51:49 pm
What an honest reflection of your journey as a first year teacher. Enjoyed reading this. I will be on the lookout for future reflections from you.
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AuthorMy name is Susan, and I will be starting my first year of teaching this year. Archives
December 2018
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