I always tell myself that I will reflect on a weekly basis, and then, things become a whirlwind, but I know that reflecting on a weekly basis would be ideal, so I am going to carve out some much needed blogging time into my schedule.
It is surreal to me that I have just finished week 4 of my first year. It has truly been an adventure and one that I am grateful to have because I am learning a lot each day that is truly pushing me to become better. When my kiddos look at me, I know that I want to give my all on a daily basis. They are the reason that I get up in the morning and have a smile on my face even though I am tired from the day before. I was sick on the weekend about two weeks ago, and I thought it was just allergies. I was fine at school, and I felt okay, but I ended up having a few days with congestion and struggling to speak over my students. Due to having a soft spoken voice and being sick on top of all of it, I ended up losing my voice Thursday morning of week 3. I had tears in my eyes because I wanted to be the best teacher for my students, and I did not realize how bad it was until I tried to speak, and nothing came out. The aide was supportive and acted as my voice in the morning. She told me that she lost her voice during her 1st year and knows that I want everything to be perfect which is why I was upset over this whole ordeal. I ended up taking a half day due to her needing to go to another class, and even though my voice became a little better, I told my students that I needed to go to a doctor and see what was going on so that I can be accessible the rest of the week. My students were so sweet and made me notes saying that they hoped I feel better, and I have the notes on the bottom of my desk due to not having the time to truly look them over. It turned out that I had acute laryngitis, so I just took the afternoon to take care of myself so that, in exchange, I could be the best teacher for my students. On Tuesday on week 4, I had a lot of students who were talking over me and just not cooperating in class. I ended up talking to them about behavior, and after school, when a teacher on my floor asked me how my day went, I broke down. I was telling her about the two students who I was struggling with in regards to their behavior, and I ended up emailing home. Then, I received a call from the office that a parent wanted to speak with me and was on the other line. As I was walking down the hallway, I ran into the teachers on my floor who took me in their room and saw I was upset, so they took the time out of their day to talk to me and tell me that they all had those days and that they understood what I was going through. I ended up going back to the office to talk to the parent with my mentor listening in due to knowing that I may need the support. I spoke to the parent and told her that I would like to schedule a one on one conference. I ended up having the conference with the parent the day after, and I felt like things went smoothly. Then, I had curriculum night where I explained my curriculum and my classroom management system which is now classdojo. The parents said that they really liked classdojo and liked how accessible I was. I always post the homework on the class story, and I also post pictures and occasionally message parents positive news about their child. I am able to check my phone more than I check my email, so if the parents have a question, they ask via classdojo, and I typically respond during my plan. When I was having that rough day, I knew that I wanted to come in the next day with a fresh start. I was stricter with my students, and I started to tell them that certain students would be losing recess time. I have had about four students lose 5 minutes of recess, and I do feel like the students are more receptive of that because they are receiving consequences and have time to think about their actions. This has been working well for me, and I even started playing growth mindset videos via classdojo and youcubed. My students are loving it, and they are able to make those connections. On Friday, the students were still a little chatty, but the rest of the week went smoothly. I learned a lot these past two weeks. I tend to be hard on myself, but by leaning on the amazing support system I do have, I was able to get through and keep a smile on my face. Being a first year teacher is challenging because a lot of things are new. I do go on Twitter and have such a valuable PLN who have always supported me, and I always plan on going on and chatting with them because that is something that I do not have as much time for which is hard because that refuels my energy. I tend to go to sleep at 9, so it has been hard for me to stay up and do a Twitter chat. With that being said, I do plan on making that time this week because I need that chance to reconnect, reflect, and feel rejuvenated. I am not perfect, and I know I am making mistakes, but I also know that I care. I think about my students constantly, and I am thinking of ways to make my classroom be more organized because, to me, I need a structured environment. Due to not having an elementary background, it has been hard for me to try to figure out the ways to manage the paper-flow, but I plan on purchasing some items today to help with that. I love my career, and I do have good and bad days, but the good days absolutely outweigh the bad days. The secretary emailed me when she knew I was having a rough day, and she wrote " I want you to know that you are truly doing a good job. I know this is all new for you, but just remember why you became a teacher. Don't let just a few kids ruin your day. You will get the hang of everything before you know it. You are doing a great job and you have many people here that care about you. Now, go ahead, have that big cry, put it behind you and know that you are truly a great teacher." That message brightened my day, and I was so incredibly grateful to read that when I was sitting at my desk in the classroom. I went home, and my mom said that this is what I have worked for my whole life and that I should not let anything get in the way of that happiness and passion I have. Of course, having a rough day is not fun, but I needed to realize that I do have support, and I am not alone. I am sharing this story because I want to help first year teachers realize that it is okay to have bad days and to be vulnerable. This is part of the journey, and I know that things will get better because they already have. Sometimes, I just have to stop, reflect, and start over. My students are receptive to that, and I always hear that teachers feel bad for the first group of students they have, and I do feel like that will be the case for me, but I also feel like my kiddos learn a lot from me trying something, failing at it, realizing it, and changing my system. No one is perfect, and we are all in this journey together. I was reading "Be Real" by Tara Martin and started to read "Girl, Wash your Face" by Rachel Hollis. Both of these books inspired me to focus on being happy and that it is okay to be imperfect. I am not where I want to be yet in regards to teaching, but I also have faith that I will get there. Our motto this year is that faith can move mountains, and I do believe that.
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I have been meaning to write a blog post for a while now, but, due to being a first year teacher, life has become busy. To be honest, the inspiration for me to write this blog post came from a Twitter chat that I participated in earlier this week where I tweeted "If we, as educators, do not share out story, how can we expect that our students will?." I just finished my second week of teaching which is still a little surreal for me due to dreaming about this moment for a long time. I love my students, my school, and the colleagues that I work with, but that does not mean that everything has been easy.
Teaching can be stressful at times, and during these past two weeks, I have experienced some difficult things such as a parent email about bullying which led to an hour lesson about kindness. To be honest, that email kept me up at night because it was an issue that I did not want taking place in my classroom. After that email, I halted my plans and wrote on the board "How does kindness relate to toothpaste?" My students thought about this, and they gave me responses such as "It spreads". I began to explain how I was a camp counselor a few years ago and did this activity with my campers. I had them act out squirting a bottle of toothpaste on a plate, and, then, I asked how would they put it back in. Some students said that they could, but then I asked if they would be able to get all of it back in tube which led them to saying no. I explained how words can hurt, and even though a person may apologize, the words can still remain with the person for a long time. Afterwards, I told them that I wanted each student to write a letter to the school secretaries and one other individual at the school which ranged from the nurse and other teachers. I had four students deliver the notes, and, when they came back, they said that the nurse was speechless, and the school secretary said it was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for her. Towards the end of the day, the secretary buzzed in and said thank you to all of my students. That day was powerful, and even thought the lesson took longer than I thought and was not necessarily tied to a standard, it was powerful for my students to see how one small action can brighten someone's day. During these past two weeks, I have also been trying different strategies to keep all of my students on task. I have a few students who tend to get off task which rubs off on the other students. At first, I tried doing a teacher vs student tally where they would get a point if they were on task. This seemed to work well, but I wanted to try something different. Due to realizing that my students seemed to respond well to immediate gratification and knowing that financial literacy was tied to my social studies standards, I decideed to try out a classroom economy. Now, of course, this is not perfect, and to be honest, I struggle with doing this due to feeling out of place giving students paper dollars for being on task, but the students come to class excited to obtain money and mentined to me that it is helping them learn those real life skills such as budgeting. Of course, I am still learning and am going to try to figure out a way to use this system but make it more about promoting intrinsic motivation rather than extrinsic. I was talking to a teacher aide yesterday who liked that idea but told me that consequences work well. After recess yesterday and thinking through what he told me, I wrote on the board warning, 5 minutes, and 10 minutes. I explained to the students that, if they are not doing what they are supposed to, I will give them a warning, and if the behavior continues, they will lose that many minutes of recess. This seemed to be the most effective because, in the afternoon, my students were truly engaged. The teacher aide also mentioned to me that he liked my spring in my step. I always walk down the hall in an enthusiastic manner, and I try to keep a smile on my face. He noticed that, and said that, as long as I keep my positivity, I will be okay. As a first year teacher, I know that consistency is key, and I truly am consistently looking up new strategies and techniques. I realized that I cannot be afraid to try something new, and if something is not working, I will just be honest with my students and figure out an alternative approach. Some days were easier than others, and two days ago, I felt slightly defeated due to dealing with behavior issues and still thinking about that parent email. I reached out to the parent who said that things have improved, and, later, after sending out a positive email home to one of my students, I got an email back saying that the mom noticed a change in her daughter which includes being excited to get up and go to school in the morning. The father said that was because of me. I almost broke down reading that email at night, and it truly brightened my mood the following day because I realized that, even on days when feel like I am not making much of a difference, I am even in the tiniest way. That student also wrote me a letter yesterday and said how I am a fabulous teacher already. That truly warmed my heart. I am guilty of self-doubt especially as a young teacher due to seeing amazing teachers on Twitter and in my school and wondering how I will ever get there. It is easy to fall into that trap of self-comparison, but I realized that I am unique and a work in progress. That is absolutely okay especially at this leg of my journey. Every person has a different starting point, and classroom management is something that I am working on. I am not there....yet, and that is okay. I was vulnerable in this post, but it allowed me to get my thoughts and feelings out there. I am loving my first year so far, and I know that I will have good and bad days, but by taking that first step and writing about the good and bad, I can help myself grow as a teacher. I plan on reflecting each week and keeping you up to date on my journey. |
AuthorMy name is Susan, and I will be starting my first year of teaching this year. Archives
December 2018
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